


Move On?

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Breakup, F/M, Gen, female!soonyoung, seokhan, seoksoon, soonseok, switchgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 11:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10436448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: Because the time of pink color has to be vanished. The love has left me and I’m walking on the memories right now.





	

 

A new day of spring. No one knows it’s a hard season to pass by. Too much fluttering sweetness fill the day, not to mention how much couples I pass by at the street. They look so lovely together.   
  
And I am jealous.   
  
Yeah, I’m jealous.   
  
Because the time of pink color has to be vanished. The love has left me and I’m walking on the memories right now.   
  
That time, that spring, I used to hold someone’s hand tightly in bubbly smile. I can’t forget how much precious he is to me, especially when he held me carefully as if one touch could shatter me into pieces of petal. I don't mean to be sap about this thing. Yet he ever told me that I was the precious rose he ever had. He loved me that time before everything met the end of time. He had to go for his sake. I could not hold him or tell him to stay.   
  
I take a breath of spring breeze who gently caresses my cheek. It is so gentle as if it’s his stroke. I smile. In one aspect, that smile draws a indication how fine I am for facing my life right now. On the other aspect, I’m not okay. I miss him a lot. And I pity myself for longing for him too much until I can’t seek a better person than him for myself. I need to move on, yet I’m not ready — I guess. Well, that’s what my friends think thus far.   
  
I slip my hands into the pocket of my coat. _It’s not mine._ It’s his. It’s the last gift he could give to him as a farewell present. I live with everything related to him, as though what’s my friends tell, my world revolves him or otherwise. I can’t get out from the zone where I live with his shadow or the traces of our memories together. It’s hard frankly to live without the person I cherish in the early of my 20s. He was the one who brought a sunshine into my life, the one who smiling brightly whenever he used to be mine. The one who brought laughter into my life but he also brought tears running down endlessly to my lonely nights. Moreover this spring night, my apartments fills an unnatural guffaw on whatever cartoon plays. And later, the guffaw turns into a desperate yelp. It’s a constant habit of mine every night and I’m not tired of doing so.   
  
I have been tired once a night, but later on, I felt numb.   
  
This numbness controls me until one of my friend ever told me to let out my emotion, never to hold it inside because it would bring pain. Well - even though I cry many times or I hold my tears, the pain still lingers because the love leaves me with memories and shadow of him. I never know why he left me that morning without text or any news.   
  
That’s why I could not ask him to stay. Because that morning he left me.   
  
_Drip_  
  
 _Drip_  
  
 _One drip becomes many drips._   
  
The downpour begins. I rush my feet to find a shelter, hopefully there is a cafe near the street. Most of all are boutiques so I’m lucky. I prefer to take cover inside a cafe or coffee shop instead of clothes shop which tempting me to buy some. _Well —_ girl natural urge to shop, I admit it.   
  
I dust my coat as I walk straight to near table. Someone approaches me. I look up.   
  
_Lee Seokmin._   
  
A smile I have missed for so long time, magically appear before my eyes. I bet I spend too much times on hallucinating about himself. I shake my head but a tap stops me.   
  
Same stare,   
  
same nose,   
  
same scent,   
  
a familiar smile of the man I love so much. I glimpse a sight of his hand on me. A ring lingers around his finger. He has someone else.   
  
“Soonyoung?”   
  
I crack a smile at his voice. “Yes?”   
  
His smile still remains. “Long time no see, I guess.”   
  
I nods, jerking a seat to sit on. He follows also. “Nice timing, hm?” I squints at him, giving a strange symptom for him to explain. “Well, it’s raining and you come here. I was having a lunch before.”   
  
I nods _again_. I have no idea what shall I talk to him after I noticed a ring earlier. I shut my lips as I read the menu, I request for a hot cappuccino.   
  
“How’s life?”   
  
“Good,” I lie. There is no right of speaking truth for this moment. I let my mind roaming through a smile of his. I enjoy my sight, because it’s him. I can’t ask more beside enjoying his smile for a couple minutes, since he is no longer mine.   
  
Suddenly someone I know, walking towards us, snaking her hand around Seokmin afterwards. “Who is she, honey?”   
  
I gulp. I’m not ready to hear someone else to call him honey. No, I never be ready for that.  “Hi,” I greet her. That’s what I shall do.   
  
Seokmin smile earnestly at her, I notice how he put a peck on her cheek in front of me, “He is my old friend.”   
  
_A friend._ Somehow a puncture inside my heart comes out of nowhere, and it’ll remain for a long time. I still put a smile on my face as they keep being appeared in front of me. Keep sitting across me, I can’t runaway.   
  
“Anyway, I forget to introduce you, it’s gonna be soon, Mrs. Lee,” Seokmin proudly presents a girl beside him. Actually even though he doesn't acquaint her with me, I still acknowledge who she is. A senior from my college. I attended the same college with her.   
  
“Yoon Jeonghan,” she flashes a smile before me. I nods at her presentation. Then I just remain silent as they start talking about their plan. They will be married soon.   
  
I regret my decision to shelter here. Also I regret myself for not being able to move on from the guy before me. I should have known that the guy would never be mine after he left me alone after that night. I should have not fell deeper into his charm though he was kind — and _still_ be kind, I shall not fall into this stupid love. Perhaps that time, he just loved me as a brother, as a friend, not more than that while I stupidly fell in love because of his warmth, his sincere care and expected much from him.   
  
I take a last sip of my drink before taking some stuffs and leave the coat at my chair. “I need to go to toilet.” They merely smile, not be suspicious at my act. It’s all excuses. I shift approaching a waiter, asking for the other door to get out from the cafe though it’s still downpour outside. The waiter leads a way to show me even he offers an umbrella to me. I shake my head and thank his hospitality, not to mention I leave few dollars to him as a pay of my drink and his help.   
  
Now, I’m under the rain. I can’t find a reason of crying this time. I want to cry, but I can’t. I have no reason again to mope over him. Even it’s hard, I have to go on living, I can’t stuck on this zone. I realize my friends tell the good words, I have to live on though I don’t know where future guides me to. I have to overcome, though it’s impossible to find a sincere person like him. I have to release all my feeling, all the burdens I make for myself because I was yearning of him. This rain, it’s the last time I am being sad because of love. The love which I _cherished_ so much for these times. The love which I have to let go now. The love that teaches me a lot thing, either it’s happy, either it’s bad. At least, it’s the love I have ever felt for these times.   
  


-끝- 


End file.
